My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
