I hate your face
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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