Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
