my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
