he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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