People with herpes should wear stickers.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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