Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
