At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
sex in a hospital.. check
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
