So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
