Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Duck Duck Cougar?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
