Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
