He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
