2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
