And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
