There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
