I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize