I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
