shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
