If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
