i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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