so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
