AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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