I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
