still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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