It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
