where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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