i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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