the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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