your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
