Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize