the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
