I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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