How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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