Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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