White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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