If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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