your parents love me but you hate me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
