i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
