I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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