Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
