i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize