I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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