brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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