I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
