I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My bed smells like the plague
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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