I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
