i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize