i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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