Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
