Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
