Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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