She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
