There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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