Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
