Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She bit a glass in half.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
