i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
