God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
