Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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