Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
