She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
