Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im having a threesome with these popsicles
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
