The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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