uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Found your dick twin last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
