just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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