please come you make the beer taste better
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize