I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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