wrigley field is MILF paradise
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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