U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
