Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
