Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
