remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
